I need to get a job, and this goes beyond just the fiscal contribution to the household kind of thing.
When I’m home for too long, two things happen:
1) I don’t want to leave the house much because it becomes more and more inconvenient to do so.
2) I think too much.
One isn’t so hard to control; I’ve still got a quasi-active social life and have forced myself not to get into a rut. Two, however, is a pain in the ass. I’m a worrier by nature – I worry about myself, my friends, my family, my health – everything. When I’m left to my own devices my imagination goes crazy. I try to channel it into writing so that it’s healthy, but if I’m not writing? It means I get paranoid and scared of other people. I always seem to think that the phone call they promised that never came had nothing to do with them being busy and everything to do with them hating me. Absolutely irrational leaps in thought, yes? I know. I recognize it. I personalize everything. It’s probably rather egotistical that I do this, but I can’t help it. It just happens.
I have an interview today, so hopefully that will pan out. Lately I’ve felt myself spiraling more and more into that “worry about the nonsense” category, and it’s simply because I have nothing else to preoccupy my thoughts with. Minutia becomes more important than it really is because there’s nothing else for me to concentrate on.
I’ll fix it. At least I’m conscious of the fact I’m over analyzing the world right now. That’s much better than any other time that this has happened.
WTB normal functioning brain. PST.