My new job.

I have a wonderful new job, and this stuff with my grandmother has made me worry that I will lose said job. I’ve been in touch with my supervisor, my trainer, and my HR person, and I know this will not happen as long as I’m thorough with my explanations and outlines for time off. My job is secure, for all intents and purposes, but with my history I’m still worried. (Of course, I just worry. It’s like, what I do.)

I chose not to go in today not because I couldn’t work, but because I’m going to be on the phone SO MUCH, I’d just be disrupting class. Also, it’s just a review day before we hit the phones tomorrow and I won’t be missing much. Until/unless my grandmother passes (yes I still say unless just in case she walks out of this. She always had the devil’s own luck), I won’t be missing anymore time, but today is for me to get my shit taken care of, to get my phonecalls and personal business in order, and to heal up. I’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else’s crap, I realized last night I hadn’t taken time for me outside of a few hours on Sunday, and even that was riddled with phone calls and demands. I have to do some conversing with the funeral home today, but beyond that, I want the day to be mine.

Selfish, ain’t it? Oh well. I need to get my business and my grandmother’s business in order so I can go ahead and get better. I’ve felt like SHIT for almost a week now, and that can’t keep up. I’ll go crazy if it does.

After today, I shouldn’t have anything else to do pertaining to my grandmother that will cause me to miss work. I’m confident saying that, too; until she passes, I will have my ducks in a row regarding her funeral and the family. That’s actually nice to say. There’s a weight that’s been lifted.

For all that I feel terrible about the time I’ve missed, I know I’ve not been doing it to dick off or to sabotage my job. I’ve been doing it because I’ve had to. Today, I’m doing it to not be rude to 6 other students and the whole ‘annoying person on their cell phone’ thing. This isn’t an attendance problem, and it won’t be. I will NOT ruin this opportunity for myself.

I just refuse.

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