I like to swear. A lot. And, if I’m being perfectly honest, I swear more often than I should (a lot more now that I know Caulle, but I’ll get to that later). There are times nothing is more satisfying than letting loose with a long string of obscenities. I’m not talking a “hell” or a “damn” either. I’m talking swears that would make a respectable person with real, honest-to-God manners flush their head in a toilet to escape the lewdness of my words. I’m talking creative swears, like “twatmuffin”. I let loose with that last week during a rant. I wasn’t proud. Only I was a little because really, that’s creative. That’s taking obscenity past offensive and into a fucked-up art form.
It’s also a hell of a visual.
I’ve always found swears to be a fascinating concept. Human beings designed language to express concepts and then promptly banned the very words they’d made. Most of these words correlate to body parts, bodily functions, or body byproducts. Pants bits are especially prone to swears which I find really amusing. Think about it; people spend their lives actively trying to see the naughty bits of other folks, yet when we curse and swear, we call them genitalia. I’m pretty sure without genitalia life would be less interesting (and cease to exist). The one that really gets me is straight men who adore women and women’s bodies (and would do anything to get laid) who then use vaginal references to demean their male friends. IT’D BE A LOT MORE EFFECTIVE IF I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D PUNCH YOUR GRANDMOTHER JUST TO POKE AROUND IN A HOT CHICK’S WAHOO.
I’ve always been around swears. My grandmother swore, my mother swears. Not like sailors, mind you, but it was/is part of their speech pattern. I was of the same ilk (a swear here and there) and then I started hanging out with gamers. Gamers are foul mouthed little nerds, let me tell you. Getting onto Ventrilo with my online folks and hearing Caulle let loose on someone for the first time . . . I’d never heard so many F-Bombs in my life. Now, I’m fairly sure she doesn’t talk that way to say – her boss – but to other nerdies, why not? Profanity’s fun. There’s always that challenge to create the next great Uber Swear (“COCKGOBBLER”) and as long as you remember your audience, it’s fine. Of course, I find bad words oozing into my daily speech pattern now and I have to watch it so it doesn’t overwhelm me. Last thing I need is to be at the office and let a really bad one fly . . .
“YEAH THAT CUSTOMER WAS A TOTAL DOUCHENOZZLE.”
So yes. Swears. I like them. I like them when I’m mad, when I’m trying to make someone laugh. I like them when I’m writing dialogue. I like them because they’re such a twisted, strange little concept. WHY MAKE A WORD TO BAN A WORD? It’s utterly ridiculous. George Carlin thought so, too. Needless to say, the following is NSFW. But it’s worth a laugh and a watch later, I swear. Carlin was the King Of Cussing.