It’s two in the morning and I’ve just checked my blood sugar. It’s 117, thanks for asking, and that’s good and normal. For now. It’s been dropping ridiculously low the last few days. When I was at work Monday, it dropped so low I forgot my mother’s phone number. I couldn’t read numbers, and I got confused when I talked. I couldn’t follow conversations. Sentences were hard to make and harder to hear. I felt like the center of the Dumb Person’s Universe. The episode only lasted about an hour, but I felt wiped afterwards. I ached all over, and I was nauseous. I haven’t felt “right” since then – weak and off, woozy at times, and definitely dizzy. Every time there’s an episode, I prick myself to make sure my blood sugar is okay. So far, so good, but this is why I see the doctor Thursday morning.
And, if I’m being honest, this is why I’m scared.
I’ll have blood work done, and they will or won’t change my medicines up again, but this is a disheartening backslide with my health because I thought I’d been doing better with my eating habits. Sure, I have snacks, but Dave and I cook at home more, and we buy things like turkey and chicken over fattier, red meats. We’re eating wheat pasta and bread in lieu of the more delicious white flour stuff. We’re doing a lot of what we should be doing. It doesn’t seem to be enough, though, and I really need it to be. I like my new job. I like having the steady income. I dislike feeling like I’m dying at my place of employment. You can see the problem here.
While I wait to see the doctor and try to feel better about my circumstances, my friend the internet keeps me company. Today, unfortunately, it decided to deliver a couple of blows. For one, Maurice Sendak has died. I’ve seen a few interviews with Sendik, and each one portrayed him as a salty, cranky old bastard. It made me like him more for some reason. Maybe it’s because my grandfather was sort of a curmudgeon, and that’s the perfect way to describe Sendik, too. Maybe it’s because he was unapologetic for the way he lived his life and the art he created.
Where The Wild Things Are was one of my most favoritist books as a kid. I read it so many times, I had pages of it memorized. I broke the binding on it, and unlike a lot of my other toys/books that got discarded, I kept that original copy for a very, very long time. Despite Spike Jones’s movie being pretty true to the source material, I had a hard time sitting through it because nothing could touch the childhood majesty of Sendik’s original work for me. Thus, his passing makes me sad. RIP, Mr. Sendik. People like you made people like me want to write when we grew up.
The other news that kinda poked me in the eye is North Carolina making it illegal for gays to marry. It sucks. Why are we still perpetuating hate over love? What does this teach our children? “An American can have all their rights if and only if they adhere to a strict standard of social normalcy.” Bullshit. I’m the child of a very-queer dad, and I think I turned out okay. I don’t shoot up schools, I don’t rub against kids on the bus, I don’t have some distorted world view. He didn’t give me his Gay Cooties or inflict me with some weird Pervert Disease. He’s a nice guy. His husband is a nice guy. They’re happy, and I think all people should be allowed to be happy, regardless of who they love.
Queer North Carolina folks: move up to Massachusetts. We might not have your lovely drawls, but for the most part, we’re an inviting lot.
Right. So, other than that, I’ve been playing a few new video games lately. Tera, mostly, and it’s crossing me as having all the looks of Aion, but with the play style of a WoW/console hybrid thinger. The combat’s fun, and I’m enjoying my mystic as a healer. At some point soon, when I get more brain power than I have now, I’ll do a bit of a review on Tera and the GW2 beta I was in. Both games have a lot to offer, both games have their flaws, too. I plan to do a compare/contrast to Warcraft and SW:ToR (maybe – at least I think I will.) Sometimes the ambition gnomes beat me with rocks and take my lunch money, though, so it’s possible I’m lying to you and will never write about it. I’d like to, so LET’S HOPE THE GNOMES STAY AWAY, SHALL WE?
As for that writing thing – I’ve had a hard time of it since Wagon Witch’s, to be blunt. Miriam liked the book (more than I originally thought, come to find out – she gushed about it to me on the phone last week) and it seems to be well-received by the people I know who’ve read it. However, it was an emotionally exhausting book to write, and I find it difficult to write anything that resembles complex or deep or dark right now. The only speed I’m capable of is light, fluffy, and cheesy. Fortunately, I have an idea for a slasher (I posted the snippet here) but even that’s not drawing me day in and day out. Why? Well, mostly because I stumbled over a plot hole, and fixing said plot hole kinda bummed me out. I’m anti-deep thought at the moment, and ironing out story wrinkles gives me a sad. I’ll get back to it very soon here, likely when I’m feeling physically better, but in the meanwhile I’m wasting my time in Margaritaville, quasi-working and playing video games when I’m not sleeping or basset wrangling.
Outside of the random near-pass outs, it’s not such a bad way to be!