I Have A Question!

Someone on my Twitter feed started off the day with a message that said, “I’m having A MORNING. It’s like it was written by Lemony Snicket.” Of course, this got my brain juices gushing. What if our days WERE written by the madmen and women of publishing? What if we were the brain babies on someone else’s page?

QUESTIONS FOR YOU GUYS.

If you were a character in a book, who would you want to write your day? Why?

Conversely?

If you were a character in a book, who is the last person you would want to write your day? Why?

For me, if I had to pick someone to script my day, I’m going to go with Christopher Moore. Why? Well, I’d very likely meet a cast of incredibly funny people, one of which would be so tongue-in-cheek, sarcasm would ooze from their pores in drippy rivers. Said sarcastic individual would undoubtedly shred me awhile, maybe make me want to punch them in the face, but in the end they’d turn out to be the best, most reliable friend I could have when the going gets tough. There’d probably be a talking sidekick of some sorts, maybe a fruitbat or an entertaining demon, but after I got past the weirdness of it, I’d find that pretty cool. I’d be so down with a vampire cat.

The LAST person I’d want to script my day? Shit, this is a toss-up between GRRM and Abercrombie. Let’s go with GRRM. Not only would everyone I encounter in my day be out to fuck me over, half of them would be willing and able to kill me. They’d have some huge secret agenda to oust me from any power I could claim, and — when I wasn’t looking — there would probably be a better than fifty percent chance that they were humping their sister. All of my friends would probably hate each other, and every other hour someone would throw a dead wolf head at me because that’s just how GRRM rolls. Let’s not even talk about how crappy his parties are. You go in, expect to have a beer and a cocktail weenie, and the next thing you know, everyone dies. No, seriously, like everyone. OH, COME ON, SIR.

So! PLAY ALONG. Who would script YOUR day? Who wouldn’t? GO!

BRING IT!

14 thoughts on “I Have A Question!

  1. I would probably want my day written by Neil Gaiman. There would be a twist around every corner and I would be exhausted by nightfall. Or maybe by Harper Lee, her setting for To Kill a Mockingbird has always been one of my favorite afternoon reads.

    I would not want my day written by a few people for a few reasons. Laurel K. Hamilton, because I am not pretty enough to be in her books, and I don’t have the stamina to survive. Stephanie Meyer, sparkling vamps and teen angst, no thanks. Last, no Jackie Collins please. I am pretty sure an explanation is not necessary.

  2. I’d want my day written by Terry Pratchett, because it’d be funny as hell, but also charming and probably laced with an important sociopolitical lesson. But more than anything else, it’d mean that for a day, my life ran off the Theory of Narrative Causality, and I could make all my decisions based on what would make the best story, confident in my chances of success.

    I would not want my day written by Robert Jordan, because I’d be forced to meet a ton of largely indistinguishable people, all the women in my life would become shrewish, one-dimensional caricatures, and sometime in the afternoon I’d just get bogged down and wander around for hours with nothing at all happening.

  3. Ahahaha. Christi, no Jackie Collins? That’s essentially a one-way ticket to a porn day. NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA?

    And yeah, Robert Jordan was in contention for mine, too, Reuben. I mean, shit – I’d have to tug my braids all day long.

  4. Pro: Jim Butcher. I would be Crazy Prepared by default, and if things ever slowed down (ha!) I could sit back and watch the snark.

    Con: Laurell K. Hamilton. Because of my two X chromosomes, I would automatically be a shrieking jealous harpy who hated the heroi– protago— main character solely because of my desire for her harem of freakishly long-haired submissive manflesh.

  5. I love ideas like this, though would I be in one of their universes or just have a really weird day in mine?. If it would be to spend a day as a character in one of their books, I would have liked to have had Anne McCaffrey write my day so I could have a fire lizard and ride a dragon (my husband pointed out that if thread was falling I could have a really bad day). My immediate thought for the Con side was that I would not want to go to Laurell K Hamilton’s worlds for the same reasons as mentioned previously but my second thought after reviewing my books was that Catherine Asaro’s universe would be worse. I would probably end up being chased or a slave and as her books have a very mathematical bent I would probably have a headache all day from that as well.
    If someone was to write a day of my life at home I think I would want Jan Karon – a bucolic day in a small town would suit me just fine.

    • I was thinking more in our universes. Visiting someone else’s world would be another question entirely, I think.

      All awesome stuff, Dudes!

  6. I would want Meg Cabot to write my day, because I might have misadventures but all would end well and I would probably meet a wonderful man by the end. The last person I would want to write my day would be Thomas Harris, because Hannibal.

  7. I would want Michael Chabon to write my day–perfect turns of phrase and witty banter would abound.

    I would avoid Cormac McCarthy like the plague, as everything would end up horrible or horribly difficult to follow. Also, I do not want cannibal in my life.catamites

  8. ….CANNIBAL CATATAMITES. no cannibal catamites are more than welcome to be a part of my life. In fact, I think can just rule out cannibals as being part of my life.

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