Hillary the Cavewoman. Only Not.

Snowpocalypse happened. Two and a half feet of snow, seventy mile per hour winds. It was one of them there NOR’EASTERS the old Yankees talk about.

And holy crap, that blew.

Ha! A pun! I didn’t even mean to do that!

We lost power at about nine on Friday night, which really wasn’t such a big deal. I got the dogs fed, I Tweeted and yapped at folks on my phone, I hit the sheets early for the first time in a very long time. Ain’t no thang chicken wang. It snowed all night. Now, this on its own is sort of “whatever” to me – I’m from New England, snow happens, get over it. It was the wind that freaked me out. I could hear things breaking around me, and not like small things, either. I’m talking trees snapping. The wind gusts were unreal and they were loud and they were dangerous. I didn’t want to see what my yard looked like in the morning. More than that, I didn’t want my roof to cave in and kill us. We have a lot of trees. It could have ended poorly for our heroes.

Went without saying that I slept like shit Friday night.

Fortunately, as you can tell by this here shiny post, the roof did not cave in. The power did not come back, however, and it was sub zero at night and we woke to a balmy twenty degrees outside. The temp in the house was fifty when we went to bed and forty when we woke. We bundled up and left the dogs under toasty blankets so we could dig out and inspect the damage. We lost a whole tree. We were VERY LUCKY where that tree went down. It took out a single slat of fence, between two posts so all we’ll have to do is replace that one piece. Getting the tree out will be a bitch, but hey – MASSACHUSETTS CHAINSAW TREE MASSACRE. WHEEE! I will buy a leather mask and become fear itself.


Digging, more digging, a neighbor used his truck to get rid of the snow wall that the plows dumped at the end of our driveway. That’s significant because there was probably four feet of snow there and I didn’t want to see the boys working through that. They’d have broken their backs. We got the cars unearthed, Dave went on his merry way to Home Depot to get more wood, some flashlights, and general supplies. We have a gas stove, so I lit that sumbitch up and made some chicken stew. I even packed up the stuff in the fridge into milk crates and dumped it on the deck so it could stay chilled. Everything was going keen! Except it got colder, and colder, and colder and still no power. I have an old dog. Old dog was under a blanket in front of our fire and her teeth were chattering. I could hear them clacking together and see her shivering. Checked the thermostat – thirty something degrees inside. My thermostat doesn’t read below forty, though, so I can’t tell you what temp it was for sure.

Piled the dogs into bed. More blankets, more warmth. Cat one wouldn’t leave me alone. She climbed all over me in hopes of stealing my heat and I actually dragged her under a blanket so she wouldn’t freeze. Cat two was in with my brother-in-law sleeping on his head. Cat two weighs twenty pounds, brother-in-law weighs twenty-six pounds. That was probably a comical thing to see, but I was too damned cold to bother checking. Plus, you know, darkness. A flashlight can only do so much.

I woke up repeatedly during the night as the dogs tried to get warm by snuggling in closer. We were all restless. I checked their little lumps under their personal fleece blankets. I woke because my nose was running and then at one point, getting tacky on my face because hey – SNOT FREEZES. Sunday morning, six am the lights flickered on. I could have wept, and the sad thing was, I’d only been out of power for 36 hours. If this had gone on longer, we would have had to leave (and which one of my relatives wants to take the three of us in with five animals in tow? Not many.) We were fortunate. Others weren’t and aren’t so fortunate and I feel for them. I really, really do.

The whole thing was one weird experience. I tried to pretend at one point that I was some fair maiden in a castle back in 1200. I thought about cavemen hunting wooly mammoths. I thought about humans pre-electricity and their survival – not shit I’d really considered before. I gave myself pep talks like, “HUMANS LIVED THROUGH MANY WINTERS BEFORE THIS ONE AND SO CAN YOU, YOU WEAKLING.” And yeah, I did survive it. Would I want to live like that again? Hell, no. But if it happens again will I persevere? Probably. Gracefully? Nope, because that sucked. I am not a natural survivalist. And it had nothing to do with nerd girl bitching she had no computer. It sucked because I spent two days worrying about the welfare of every living thing around me. I’m a goddamned pro worrier.

So, in closing: I Survived Snowpocalypse, now where the crap’s my tee shirt?

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